Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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