He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
im six kinds of drunk right now
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
