He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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