We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
i think my cat just said my name.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
