I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
