I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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