i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
