but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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