garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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