Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
