Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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