I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
