I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
