I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
