Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
