I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Randomize
