So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
