I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
