Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Randomize
