is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Randomize
