she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We are two peas in an std pod
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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