oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
