It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
Randomize
