It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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