I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
