see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Randomize
