i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
