The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
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How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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