Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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