I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
