Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When are your genitals available?
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
