If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
