8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
