I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
