dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?