so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.