Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson