Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.