Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
