i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
