So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize