I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
