how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
