Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
