I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
