the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
