shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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