when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
