He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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