Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It's blow job season.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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