just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
