I threw up into my coffee this morning.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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