Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Randomize
