i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
