I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
