New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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