i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
