one two three fourrrrnication!
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
