U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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