I will die if light touches me.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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