im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
