She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
