It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
