therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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