yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
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i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
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Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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