everyone is single if you try hard enough
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
