If you die in college, do you die in real life?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
