So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
