He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
