Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
