nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
