In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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