i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
