Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Randomize
