We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
