Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
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We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
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I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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