The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
