I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Randomize
