Your dad touched me again.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
