my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
