btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You are a genius and a whore.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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