did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Randomize
