We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
